Let the planning begin

So the hubby and I have decided for our five year wedding anniversary we are going to Kauai because we loved it so much the first time. This time it will be even more special. We have decided to renew our marriage vows on the beach. I cannot wait! I have started searching where we want to do it and what I want to wear. Just need to make sure I have a baby before or after the date we set haha. I dont want to be preggo again when we make plans just like before. O well when it happens it happens. I am so lucky to be blessed with such a loving happy marriage. The planning is on :) Now this is something worth spending a pretty penny on hehe. Good thing I'm getting IV Certified in a week so my pay goes up to $30 and hour. I love a job with the more education you have the more you get paid.

I am so lagging on packing lol. I hate packing. I have decided this time there is alot of stuff I never use I just need to get rid of. Maybe give it all to the goodwill. Someone else will use the stuff and it will make me feel good not to just throw it out. I hate wasteful people. I also hate name brand people. The ones that HAVE to have name brand clothing or purses. I have the money to get all these things but I hate being trendy. Or people that have to pay to make themselves look hot. Fake bodies and images are so retarded. If you work hard to have a body that makes yourself happy then so be it. To pay to look good is just plain stupid. People will not like a person any more with name brand clothes or a phony body. It is what is on the inside that counts. It will all go south eventually and if you have someone that loves you for you then you would never have to worry about that. I am just so happy I can be me and be loved for who I am not who I want to be.

Alot going on

This week has barely begun and I feel like its been so crazy. Yesterday got my dog fixed, I am not one to allow my animal to randomly get pregnant. Then went to the doctor my lil one has her first ear and sinus infection. I am sick with a nasty cold too I might add which has made me want to lay in bed all day but cant do that. Then mailed off all the paperwork for our new place. Fingers crossed we get it. We turned in our 30 day notice to this place because I know we will get it :) I am so lucky to have my hubby he went and got me Marie Callendars soup because I was so sicky. Then we watched Law Abiding Citizen which was a total epic movie. We both loved it.

Today we packed up the garage and a few other things. I know its going to fly up on us quick. We went grocery shopping and now I let my man go out with his friend for the night because all I want to do is sleep. He never goes out and his buddy wanted to go play poker. I dont mind my hubby always takes everyones money hehe. I even bought him a poker shirt that say "I bought this shirt with your money" lol. So nyquil here I come and hopefully a good night sleep ahead.

My light of my life

So my dog Suki chewed up my daughters snuggle pup! The puppy she has slept with since she was a year old. She flipped out. Thank GOD they still sell them at target. They are called webkinz. So not only did I have to go get her a new one, grandma had to sew the old one. So now she says she has a boy and a girl snuggle pup lol. She is so adorable. I was crushed to see her so upset like it was her baby. I knew she was attached to him but never expected a reaction like that. She has never acted like that over any of her toys. She is always very sharing and generous with her toys. The other day at the park a little boy told her she could not go down the slide and she just started crying instead of being mean to him. I told her to ask him nicely and say excuse me and it worked :) She is growing up so fast. I cannot wait for us to have another and to see madison interact with a baby will be so awesome.

I am so excited about tomorrow but I am nervous too?? I wonder why?? I think its finally setting in that we are moving for good and that we are starting a new life in a new town. I am totally nauseated tonight hope I can sleep. It is a long drive tomorrow and I will be doing alot of it. I just hope madison can handle being in the car that long! Future here we come.

The sun is shining on me

I saw my grandpa today after I got off work and he is doing well. This makes me so happy! His surgery went well and the cancer is the non aggressive kind so they took it out :) This dark cloud looming over me this whole week has lifted. Still have not been able to eat right with my nerves being shot worrying about him. We had the most wonderful conversation. He is always on me about school and what my plans are for our future. He knows I got into a program for a bachelors but did not know where. When he found out it was an actual university and also in the area he went to school he got so happy. He said he loved living there and wished my grandmother would have moved back with him. He said the area I am going to check out on Sunday is all really nice so not to worry about it. He told me he is so proud of me and how wonderful my life has turned out. I told him when I get my bachelors how my hubby wants to go back to school as well. Its never too late to start :) I was just so happy to see him smile and tell him I love him.

Today I think my mother in law came to accept the fact that we are moving. Everytime we talked to her about it she avoided the conversation. But today she showed up at our house to watch my daughter with sandals and a new swim suit. She told my daughter these are for where you are moving to. You can wear them when you go to the beach. When we left last time she was super upset. This time I think she will be more especially with knowing we are trying for another baby and my brother in law has pancreatic cancer. We have tried to stick around and be there for her but the time has come to do what is best for our family. So a new life awaits us with new jobs, school, house and bodies :) Both of us started this diet plan with a work out specialized for your build its sweet. Although I have not been able to start it because eating is not interesting lately. He has started it and lost 5lbs in a week the right way lol. I am going back full blonde soon and thinking of growing my hair out. I cannot wait to go see our new city sunday!

WINNER!

So I just won a Blackberry Bold 9700 from a contest I entered in. I am super excited because I decided to start entering into sweepstakes and contests and I cannot believe I won. I have only been doing it for a month and won already. I want to win some trips or new washer and dryer would be nice :) After having such a down week I really needed this. Tomorrow I go to the hospital to see what is going to happen with my grandpa and his cancer :( I have to work tomorrow and Saturday too kind of burnt out on work lately. I guess when you do 25 hours in two days that will do it to you.
Sunday we make our drive out of town to where we will be calling home come may 1st. There are so many things we need to check out to make sure this will be the right place for us. The weather there is going to be amazing 79 degrees both days. I would have to say one of those days is a beach day for sure. I cannot wait to move there it has so much to do we will never be bored. Lots of walking trails, casinos, even a mountain with snow is near by, sweet malls, amusement parks, and the beach is like 30 minutes away. I feel like i am going to be in heaven.........

Distractions required

Friday is my grandpa's exploratory surgery to see how bad the cancer is. I will be at the hospital most of my day. I am not looking forward to that. The only thing I am looking forward to is seeing my family that will all be there. This may be the last time I see them all together for quite some time. I am not nor have I ever been a real religious person but I find myself praying this will not be as bad as we all fear it is. My grandpa is high up there in age but has always taken wonderful care of himself. He goes to the gym everyday and eats right. I know the time will come when I lose him, but I just don't want to lose him to pain. I can honestly say I am so worried about this I have trouble sleeping and eating. I have lost 7 lbs since Friday alone. I just hope Friday some stress will be relieved.

Then on Sunday we leave to go explore where our new home will be. Three days away will be like a vacation lol so ready to be out of here. We are picking up flyer's for our new home and starting the application process. Thank god for this going on right now its a nice distraction. I have been looking up places to live and checking for Madison a preschool. Tons of research because I want to move where I can be proud to say I raised my family. May 1st seems so far away but I know it will be here before I know it. The last week of April my bff is throwing us a going away party which is so sweet of her. I know I am going to cry because some people I am going to miss alot. This is what is best for our family. Stockton has done nothing but be full of drama, anger, and stress. Life always has stress in it but you should do whatever it takes to have as little as possible. The less stress in your life the longer you live :)

My hero has fallen

Well for the first time I am going to post something not positive in my life I am going through. I just found out today my grandfather who is a huge role model to me has bladder cancer. He is the reason I followed my heart and went with my career. He pushed me to be better and knew I could do it. He was a heart surgeon with his own family practice up until about 5 years ago when we made him retire because he was well into his 80s and doing too much. He has a law degree from humphreys and was high up on the city council. He is a highly respected man in our community. My grandmother has parkinsons and he has been taking care of her daily since her diagnosis. She needs around the clock care. I feel like a knife has been jabbed in my heart. I am supposed to be up for work in 6 hours to work a 13 hour day and somehow I doubt I will be sleeping at all. I knew the day would come when he would pass due to age or due to illness. I just dont want him to be in any pain. He is a very prideful man and would never admit to being in pain.
My second fear is their estate. I know my grandmother will go soon after he does because she lives because of him. This will leave numerous homes they own, cars, original shegall and picaso paintings, stocks, and everything imaginable that he could invest in. He has millions of dollars. I am sick thinking about how my family is going to behave. One aunt I know is wanting everything that is jewlery to go to her and my other aunt. A comment was made that nothing should go to the grandchildren that is for their parents to decide. Well I want NOTHING! Then they want to sell all the houses. One of which my grandpa built on park woods dr and its beautiful he has been in it since 1955. How they could let that home go is horrible. I dont want to be here to see everyone peck at what they can to feel like it was all distributed evenly. I DO NOT WANT A DIME! I want nothing to do with this madness. I wish we were moving tomorrow. I dont want to live this horror right now. The family is about to be turned upside down and torn apart for greed and I want no part of it. I just hope they respect my grandmother when he passes and someone takes care of her. I will step up gladly if no one else will. But I am sure my aunt from chico will have none of that she runs the show. I am a person that values money but its money I make not the money of others.
So next friday I will be at the hospital all day while they perform exploratory surgery on his bladder to see how bad it is. If its bad the will close him up and say how long he has left. If its good maybe some chemo and removal. But will he do that. He is 87 years old and I know how stubborn and set in his ways he is. He will refuse treatment if it will only make him suffer more. So I am going to cherish what little time i have left with him. Go and support him at the hospital and offer to help in any way I can. God I love him so much and this hurts so bad :(